Call me narcissist if you must but this blog is all about ME. I have another blog about my kids, whom I love and adore writing about. But I was Nicole a long time before I was mom and I don't intend to give up being Nicole overnight.
You can read all about my kids at Naptime Optional.
Or you can follow along on our Arizona adventure on my 365 project blog.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
That is a picture my husband took of me taking this picture.
Which really has NOTHING to do with this post.
My brother-in-law once said that he was impressed by my ability to get things done.
This particular ability of mine has less to do with work ethic or organization and more to do with impatience. When I decide I want something done I want it done NOW!!!! Just ask my husband, he'll concur.
Like the time I was driving home late at night and saw the neighborhood clean-up dumpsters out and upon arriving home made my husband rip out the carpet in the family room because we could throw it in the dumpsters that night. Never mind that we didn't have new flooring yet. Or that we hadn't even talked about new flooring. I just decided I wanted it done and I wanted it done NOW.
That's the way I roll.
So I'm sure you can imagine that for an impatient person like myself waiting is about the hardest thing in world for me to do.
Which is why I am doing everything in my power to fill today up with busy work that occupies my mind so that I can stop thinking about the fact that I am waiting.
Waiting on something that I have done as much as I could possibly do about and is now in somebody else's hands. No amount of pushing or prodding or hoping will change that I am no longer in control of the situation.
And so I wait.
Maybe patience is not the real issue. Maybe it's that I just like to be in control. Because when I'm in control I know how things will turn out in the end. When I relinquish control I have to rely on hope and faith.
In fact, the more I think about it the more I realized that my problem with waiting relates directly with my problem with stillness.
Waiting implies not working, at least for a time. Waiting means submitting. Waiting is stillness.
President Ezra Taft Benson once said, "Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace."
I read this often, and tell myself I WANT to turn my life over to the Lord. But then when I get to the whole "waiting upon the Lord" part I get impatient. I want to submit, but can't be still.
But today, I have no choice. Something is truly out of my hands and my only option is to wait.
My amazing, creative, talented cousin Andria brought me this locket last week.
Did I mention she also MADE it? And that her timing could not have been more perfect!!!!
I have worn it nearly every day and when I am tempted to be impatient, to turn suddenly in a different direction just because I am tired of waiting, I feel the metal against my skin. I pull it out from beneath my shirt and hold it in my hand for just a moment. I breath in. I breath out. And I find the strength to be still. I find the courage to submit.