Call me narcissist if you must but this blog is all about ME. I have another blog about my kids, whom I love and adore writing about. But I was Nicole a long time before I was mom and I don't intend to give up being Nicole overnight.

p.s.
You can read all about my kids at Naptime Optional.
Or you can follow along on our Arizona adventure on my 365 project blog.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Vulnerability

One of the lessons in the Mondo Beyondo course is about vulnerability. We all try to hard to be so guarded all the time, trying to never open ourselves up to being hurt or ridiculed or embarrassed or shamed. So we put, what we consider to be, our best foot forward. We hide secret parts of ourselves and sometimes those secret parts are the very thing that makes us who we are. But, we're shy or embarrassed or afraid, so we keep it under wraps, pretend to be who we think other want us to be.

But sometimes daring to be just a little bit vulnerable is just the key to opening up new doors.

So I've been toying with some ideas, and trying vulnerability on for size. And I had this idea the other day. I was painting, because I'm always painting these days. I had the tunes cranked and was singing as dancing along as I rolled paint on the walls. Because this is what I do. I sing and dance. All the time. Not that I'm particularly good at either. But I like it. No, I LOVE it. My husband laughs at me a lot. And claims that I wished my life was a musical. (I tell him my life IS a musical, just nobody else has learned the choreography yet.)

Just for a minute I got brave. I set up iPhone up on the step ladder, turned the camera on, and was just me for 5 minutes. I painted. I danced. I sang. I painted a little more. I danced some more. I painted to the beat of the music. All in a day's work for me.

I had every intention of then posting that video here on my blog, because that would be a HUGE exercise in vulnerability.

But I couldn't do it. It's a tad too embarrassing. A tad too real.

Well actually I was going to suck it up and just post it before I could have second thoughts. But I asked my husband if he would be embarrassed for me if I put it on my blog....and he hesitated, just the slightest bit. So then I got all worried that it was even worse then I thought it was and I chickened out.

So there will be no video of me busting a move with a blue paint roller in my hand. At least not today. I think maybe that was like jumping into the deep end of vulnerability and maybe what I need is to just dip my toe in. Test the waters before I drown in them.

Do you have any stories about being vulnerable? How did they turn out?

5 comments:

HeidiPie said...

I love your story about being vulnerable. I don't know if I have one of my own to share...only that God puts us in places to test us to see what we will do with ourselves. And even when I seem embarassed, maybe I shouldn't be, maybe I should, and maybe I should guard myself a bit more in some areas...and that's a good thing...I don't know what I'm trying to say...and maybe not guard in others and be more of myself all the time. I think you have to try to keep that balance. I'd love to see your video, you should email it to me. =) And then I might send you an email of something that I try to be less vulnerable at. I'll have to think of something.

get stuff done said...

Ah. shame not to see you busting your moves!! I LOVE that you see life as a musical. such a great way to see life. I remember a good friend of mine admitting once (when we were teenagers and desperately trying to be soooo cool) that sometimes she wished life was a musical, and everyone would know the words and know the dance moves. And I knew just what she meant. And we are still friends and I still think just that same thing. LIke, how fun it would be if life really were like that.

Liss said...

i won't clamor for you to post it but it does remind me of (and i swear YOU said it) that life needs to have a soundtrack. that's been one of the best thoughts/quotes i've heard my whole life. it's SO true.

Richard McLean said...

You know, I've got some old videos that I could post for you...I was just transferring some to the DVR just the other day.

orangemily said...

My personal philosophy is, "Why be embarrassed?" I took an adult Hip Hop dance class & posted the video of my plus size booty shakin' it's groove thing for al the world to see on Facebook. I think if you're having fun, people will have fun with you! Also there needs to be some vulnerability to really get to know someone. When you stay in your comfort zone there's no growth.
I can't wait to see you dip your toes in the vulnerability pool, it's fun in there!