Call me narcissist if you must but this blog is all about ME. I have another blog about my kids, whom I love and adore writing about. But I was Nicole a long time before I was mom and I don't intend to give up being Nicole overnight.

You can read all about my kids at Naptime Optional.
Or you can follow along on our Arizona adventure on my 365 project blog.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Terrified... mortified... petrified... stupefied... by you

I wanted to write this post about how I am beginning to have a bunch of fears associated with my upcoming trip to Vegas for Skip's Summer School, and thought that since I haven't done a Name that Movie Monday in a while I'd throw one in as my title. Fitting, right?

I know, it's not Monday. So sue me.

Actually don't. We went back to our builder this week and opted for the wrought iron banister and so now they want more money. (Go figure.)

But I digress.

I leave for Vegas in 16 days, and with each passing day I grow a little more terrified. I'm excited, yes, of course. But I'm also terrified.

Why? Well because......

....everybody else is going to have a better portfolio then me.

....everybody is going to have a better camera then me. (I shoot a Rebel XSi)

....everybody has more lenses then I do. (I own exactly two)

....I prefer to shoot JPEG

....what if I prove definitely that I don't know the difference between an f-stop and a pit stop?

....I have nothing to wear!

....I've put on a few pounds. (okay more then a few.....) pedicure is about worn off and I don't have time or $ for a new one before I go.

I know what you are thinking-clothes and pedicures have NOTHING to do with photography. You try telling that to my irrational fears.

I feel this added level of anxiety because I was hand picked from nearly 100 other photographers to attend Summer School on Scott Bourne's dime (he picked 10 of us total) and what if I am a disappointment? What if he ends up wishing he had picked some other deserving photographer instead?

I am determined to prove that he didn't make a wrong choice. So I've spent this week re-reading my camera manual. I may "only" have a Rebel, but I can know it forwards and backwards.

I've been reading up a little more on all sorts of aspects of lighting so that I don't feel lost in any of my workshops.

I've been re-watching my Zack Arias downloads from CreativeLIVE.

I've been reading my Shutter Sisters book.

But mostly I've been praying that I won't make a complete fool of myself.

Which is why I am SO glad that Skip Cohen posted this on his blog today.

According to this post 41% of attendees meet his definition of "newbie." That makes me feel like at least I won't be the only one there terrified of making a fool of themselves. It also means I am going to try harder to go out of my way to make others feel safe and comfortable there, because I am hoping others will be doing the same for me.

Also, according the Skip's post he has gotten a large number of questions from new photographers worried about fitting in. He says he has even been ask "what should I wear?"

Yea!!!! I'm not the only one freaking out about what I should wear!!!!

I'm still terrified. But at least now I'm feeling a little less mortified and petrified.


Liss said...

you summed up how i felt going to continental congress for DAR. i went all by myself, had no clue if i had the right clothes (besides the all white part--too dressy? not dressy enough???) and of course, it's practically a debutante organization and i'm WAAAAY too unpolished for that! you'll survive. might even be belle of the ball ;) go and have FUN!

Emilee said...

you are a crack up! you will love it and fit right in and if you dont know as much (doubt it) you can bs it and no one will know! have fun! and you need a link to your photo blog, i lost it...

Holly said...

The best part, though, is that even though you are terrified and might not have the best equipment or whatever is that *you are still going*! So good for you! Don't they say the definition of bravery is doing something even though you are afraid to? Best wishes....

orangemily said...

You will do great!
It's hard not to worry about things, but when the time comes just remember to relax & enjoy.

Ken said...

You will be fine. Everyone is there for the same thing, to learn and meet other photographers. This is my first year going and I'm looking forward to meeting all the other photographers from around the country.

Andria said...

I'm finally reading this and you're already home. So, how did it go?