Call me narcissist if you must but this blog is all about ME. I have another blog about my kids, whom I love and adore writing about. But I was Nicole a long time before I was mom and I don't intend to give up being Nicole overnight.

p.s.
You can read all about my kids at Naptime Optional.
Or you can follow along on our Arizona adventure on my 365 project blog.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I missed my calling

I think I missed my true calling in life. In retrospect I think I should've been an actress. Because I am fabulous at acting like everything is in control and that I know exactly what I'm doing! Seriously, I have some Oscar winning performances!

I take the whole "pretend you know what you're doing" cliche to a whole new level. For instance, if I'm walking somewhere unfamiliar and I realize I just passed where I needed to be I utterly refuse to simply turn around and walk back to it. Because then others around me would know I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing. So I'll keep walking and find a round about way to get back to where I want to go, all in the name of looking like I know exactly what I'm doing.

I also manage to put on a graceful show of happiness and exuberance at places such as playgroup and church despite my nearly year and half year struggle with postpartum depression. I had two ladies from the neighborhood over today and was opening up to them for the first time about my struggle and they were shocked. And somewhat embarrassed. They kept saying "We've been your visiting teachers for 2 years now. We've been here in your home. And we had no clue!" Yea, because I'm that good at acting. Like I said, Oscar winning performances.

I figure this skill is going to come in handy in the upcoming weeks seeing as they have just asked me to be in the Primary Presidency at church. Yea, not sure who thought THAT would be a good idea. There are days that I barely tolerate my own children, and now they want me to hang out with other people's children for 2 hours every Sunday!

And so it begins again. I start acting like I know exactly what I'm doing. Because that's what I do best. Too bad it took me this long to realize how good I am at it. I think Julia Roberts got several million for her last film. I could use a million or two right about now.....

12 comments:

Em said...

hey nice try! i like to think that everyone puts on a good face because i am feeling about the same as you! but it will be great, no worries! despite what YOU think of yourself, YOU have been a great example to me ever since i moved here!

HeidiPie said...

well...hmph...what do I say to that? I will have to keep thinking.

An Ordinary Mom said...

Good luck with your new calling ... that would be rough. Ever since I turned 18 (which was 14 years ago), I have nearly always had Relief Society callings. No Primary, no Young Women's ... I must not be learning something :) !!

I hope your PPD is getting better. Are you feeling any happier? It is hard when you have to deal with depression.

Jen said...

I hope all goes well with that.

Ryan said...

Yeah I do the same thing when walking through uncharted territories. Also a lot of the buildings here have maps, but I always try to look at the map without looking like I'm looking at the map...silly. The worst is when you're in a school building and you walk right past people studying in a hallway around a corner that's a dead end. Then you have no choice but to turn around and go back, but you can at least walk fast without looking at them.

Damselfly said...

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I didn't know about your battle with PPD either. I think we all act to some degree, but I hope you are getting the care you need and taking care of yourself first before thinking of helping out others. Being active in church and volunteering is important, but so are you.

Kara Thacker said...

There is not a lot I can say that will make things better, and I know that firsthand, and secondhand. Just know that you are loved!!!
Love you!

orangemily said...

Bring the kids to my house once a week so you can have some time for yourself. With your new found skillz you could hit some auditions, make that million.
I think you'll be awesome in Primary!

Em said...

and hey, want me to stop blog-stalking you so you can actually write what you want about your new president!? and your true feelings about it all? dont worry, i dont get offended that easy, so continue to write what you feel, ok...

Aly @ Lip Zip said...

"For instance, if I'm walking somewhere unfamiliar and I realize I just passed where I needed to be I utterly refuse to simply turn around and walk back to it."

This is ME!!!!! I also do a variation of this... I was at a shopping center and thought I would try one more store to find this one specific thing. About halfway to the door, I just knew they wouldn't have it. An employee was standing near the door on her smoke break and I walked into the store anyway just because I didn't want to look stupid. What a time waster!

Krista said...

I can relate, I've had to put on a brave face when I feel like falling apart lately too. It really sucks! It would be nice to just clock out and go do nothing. Don't try to appear too strong or you will miss out on others sharing their feelings, too. It's nice to find others in the same boat. I understand PPD, I had it and I'm still depressed that I had kids. JK!

Karen said...

Look out Julia! Besides that, in general......I think you are much wittier than her.

The primary will be so blessed to have you.