Call me narcissist if you must but this blog is all about ME. I have another blog about my kids, whom I love and adore writing about. But I was Nicole a long time before I was mom and I don't intend to give up being Nicole overnight.

You can read all about my kids at Naptime Optional.
Or you can follow along on our Arizona adventure on my 365 project blog.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

A little introspection

As I sad down last night and finally wrote out that check to the IRS I had a startling revelation.

See, I've always been a rule follower. Well, except in the 4th grade when Stacy Sumsion was my best friend and I lied to the teacher so I could stay in at recess because Stacy had an "in" note that day, too.

But other than during the 4th grade, I really am all about following the rules. I don't like to get in trouble. I have an inner need for authority figures to hold me in high esteem. So I didn't chew gum in class. I always turned my homework in on time. I knew all the answers in Sunday School. I kept my room clean. I have a spotless credit report. And I never speed. Well, sometimes I speed.

The point is, I realized that even though I was upset about being audited and owing the IRS money it really wasn't about the money. And it wasn't about the accountant who advised us and then wouldn't return my calls. I was mostly upset that I somehow feel like I have this big permanent black mark on my IRS record now. Feels almost like having a criminal record. Like the next time I try to get a job they'll be like "Well, you have an impressive resume and glowing reference letters, but you were audited once and so we had to give the job to somebody else." Or worse, I'll want to be the PTA president once my kids start school and will be denied. The board will say "I'm sorry, we can't have somebody who was dishonest with the IRS influencing the tender young minds of tomorrow."

Okay, I know it's not really like that. But that's how it feels to me. Like some auditor thinks I'm this horrible dishonest person who was trying to trick the IRS. I mean I hate paying taxes as much as anybody. But I understand it is a necessary evil and needed for society to run and I'd never ever in a million year purposefully try to be dishonest about paying mine!

My husband, who lives life by his own rules, just rolled his eyes at me when I told him my revelation. He said he didn't care what the IRS thought about him.

Thanks for the sympathy dear.


ty said...

Well look at it this way... you can still work for the government! Just count your blessings. Don't make excuses, and tell all of them down at the PTA that you made it right when it was brought to your attention, even though it wasn't totally your fault.

anndrea said...

I understand I am the same way. Once my visitor center director told me he was disappointed in my decision because we decided to go get something to eat after a mission wide meeting instead of coming right back immediately to man our shifts and to this day it still makes me sick inside.

If your PTA is like ours they will be begging for you to be President because nobody wants that kind of reponsibility and commitment...of course that just might be the way I feel about it.

Kristin said...

You haven't changed at all since the mission when it comes to your strict obedience! Anyone who ever meets you for more than 2 seconds will know that you are completely obedient in all things...taxes included (to the best of your knowledge that is). Go with your husband's perspective!

HeidiPie said...

And we love you for all that you are!

Karen said...

If you want to look at the big picture.....the IRS is quite often not exactly honest. There are things they leave ambiguous on purpose so they can go back and get you for more money later if the want to. i'm just sayin'.

Kara Thacker said...

I completely get that inner need to be seen as honest and in high esteem. I feel for you. It's a let down.

orangemily said...

I'm a total rule bender if you will, I'm trying to be better (thanks to Richard's influence).
BUT it drives me nuts when I've done the right thing (or what I thought was right) and it can be construed as otherwise.

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Just keep telling yourself it wasn't your fault and that things are square now. :)

An Ordinary Mom said...

I think I would feel somewhat like you, too :) !!

Simply Fearless said...

First of all, no one can call you a narcissist until you have as many photos of yourself on your blog as I do on mine! Secondly, I'm way more interested in reading about you than your little ones. We simply have more in common (I think :~) And finally, you're only human, Sweetie. Our tax law is so convoluted that no one gets it perfect. It's just one big estimate. This is why they audit. They expect people to get it wrong. They even get it wrong! And this is coming from an ex-tax consultant who prepared her own taxes, did it wrong, got audited, and had to hire someone to fix it. And yes, I owed more money too.